and today it hit me...

it was pronounced deceased September 13, 2008.

Emckuh that is...I liked to have considered it as something

that was living...it thrived off of love, art, and creativity.

And not to mention going against common standards...

something I like to call romanticism. That night, I couldn't

make my way to sleep...but I did find myself crying into

the wee hours. The first week of a break up?! Wow, this would

be considered day #2 huh?! It sucks but hearts are destined

to be broken I guess, its the way of life? I really don't know.

Many people say "it couldn't possibly happen to me", and I

know I was probably the main one singing it loud and proud.

But life has it's ways of proving you wrong and making an

ass out of you. Looking back...I don't know if there was anything

I would consider doing differently. I think I did pretty well

for my part...but maybe not good enough. Who knows?

Falling in love...boy i'll tell ya! haha Investing so much emotion

in one person might not be a good investment, or is it? Don't

get me wrong...I don't regret my year and eight months of love

and happiness. Some of my brightess smiles shined during that

time...but in the end, after the break up; tears flood those memories

with pain of heartbreak. We didn't depart on bad terms but . . .the

friendship can't be what it was, then the memories and smiles have to

go in a box, the bracelet comes off, etc.

We have to turn now and go seperate ways . . .

because casual would just hurt to much;

plus it would be rather impossible to put such a false limit on love.

So now whats a girl to do??? Right now,

I'm going to mourn...I have too! A part of me is dying,

I seriously feel like i'm missing something.

The sad part is that; I know what I'm missing...

This may seem like some sort of exaggeration.

Believe me its not...I fell in love with my bestfriend and now I have

to put an "ex" on his title...Sure we're friends; but from a distance.

But I must rise from my ashes. In due time I'll be ok.

I'm not interested in finding love with

another, or fall to some sort of attachment. What for? It would just be

a waste of time. I'm gonna miss that guy; but

for right now, its for the best...

well that's what I keep trying to tell myself...